The best vet pick-up line has nothing to do with anatomy: "Of course I'll cover your weekend shift." Anyone who has worked in a clinic knows that one beats roses.
Below are 50+ more, grouped by who you're talking to (vets, vet techs, students, the front desk) and by species, so you can find your favorite fast. They run from clever to proudly cheesy, and we left out the crude ones, so you can actually send these to a coworker.
The One Line That Always Works
- "Of course I'll cover your weekend shift."
It works on vets, vet techs, assistants, receptionists and kennel staff. It also works on people who are not your crush, which makes it the most useful line on this page. Screenshot it and send it to whoever covered for you last time.
Pick-Up Lines for Vets
For the doctor who reads lab work for fun. If a word is new to you, the table near the end decodes it.
- Are you a pleural effusion? Because I can't breathe when you're around.
- Roses are red, violets are blue, I get tachycardia when I think of you.
- Are you a white blood cell? Because I'm neutrophilin' you right meow.
- Is that a stethoscope in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?
- Are you a heartworm antigen test? Because one look at you and my heart came back positive.
- My differential list is long, but you're at the top of it.
- Let's skip the S and the O. My assessment: you're perfect. My plan: dinner.
- Your bloodwork isn't within normal limits. It's way above them.
- Are you general anesthesia? Because around you, I lose all my reflexes.
- You must be a microchip, because I'd scan the whole room to find you.
- You'd be my favorite patient, because I'd never want to discharge you.
Our pick of this group is the pleural effusion classic. Send it to a vet who could use a laugh after a long shift.
Pick-Up Lines for Vet Techs and Nurses
Vet techs and vet nurses run the treatment room, so these come from it.
- You had me at BAR.
- Are you a radiograph? Because I need at least two views of you.
- For you, I'd hold the fractious cat.
- Are you a first-try IV catheter? Because you're rare, and I'm not letting you go.
- Are you the last clean towel in treatment? Because you're exactly what I needed today.
- Is your name Lunch Break? Because I've been waiting all day to see you.
If you only send one, make it "You had me at BAR." Any vet tech gets it in half a second.
Pick-Up Lines for Vet Students
Written during finals week, probably.
- Are you the anatomy final? Because I've been up all night thinking about you.
- You must be the brachial plexus, because I can't get you out of my head.
- I've memorized all twelve cranial nerves. Now I'd like to learn your name.
- Are you the NAVLE? Because I've been preparing for you my whole life.
- Are you a flashcard? Because I keep coming back to you.
- You must be my clinical rotation, because I'd show up early for you.
Pick-Up Lines for the Front Desk
The receptionists who keep the whole clinic running deserve their own set.
- Are you the appointment book? Because I'd clear my whole schedule for you.
- You must be a walk-in at 5:55, because you came out of nowhere and changed all my plans.
- Most people here only know me as "Biscuit's mom," but you can call me tonight.
- Are you a vaccine reminder? Because I keep thinking about our next appointment.
- You're like the phones at 8 a.m.: I can't stop picking up for you.
Dog Pick-Up Lines
For the dog people, and the people who date them.
- Are you a Golden Retriever? Because I can't contain my excitement when I'm around you.
- Do you know any good vets? Because these puppies are sick. (Point to your flexed biceps.)
- Hey, has this bar stool already been marked?
- Want to check me for ticks?
- You're cuter than a puppy at the shelter, because I want to take you home.
- Are you an Elizabethan collar? Because I can't see anything but you.
- You must be a tennis ball, because I'd chase you anywhere.
- I'm like a beagle on a scent: now that I've found you, I'm not coming when called.
Cat Pick-Up Lines
For anyone who has ever been chosen by a cat.
- Are you a cat? Because you're purrfect.
- Are you catnip? Because I'm acting a little strange around you.
- For you, I'd walk into the carrier on my own.
- Are you a sunny windowsill? Because I could spend all afternoon with you.
- If I fits, I sits. And I think I'd fit right next to you.
Bird Pick-Up Lines
For the avian crowd and anyone who owns a very loud parrot.
- Do you like eagles? Because I can make you soar.
- Does your daddy keep a pet owl? Because you're a hoot.
- Are you a parrot? Because I could listen to you say my name all day.
- Let's be lovebirds. I'll bring the millet.
Horse, Farm and Exotic Pick-Up Lines
For large animal vets, mixed practice, and the exotics crew.
- You must be a draft horse, because you just pulled me in.
- I'm like a horse at feeding time: I hear your truck and I come running.
- For you, I'd take the 2 a.m. calving call.
- Are you a goat? Because you just climbed to the top of my list.
- You must be a barn cat, because you showed up one day and moved right into my heart.
- Hi, can I domesticate you?
- Are you a hedgehog? Because I'd still hold you, spikes and all.
- Are you a rabbit? Because you make my heart do binkies.
- Can I borrow your phone? I need to call animal control, because I just saw a fox.
What the Medical Ones Mean
For partners, friends and anyone who laughed politely at the lines above.
Term | What it means | The joke |
|---|---|---|
Pleural effusion | Fluid building up in the chest around the lungs, which makes breathing harder | You take my breath away |
Tachycardia | A heart rate faster than normal | You make my heart race |
Neutrophil | The most common white blood cell and the body's first line of defense against bacteria | "Neutrophilin'" sounds like "feeling" |
Heartworm antigen test | The blood test vets prefer for checking a dog for heartworm, a parasite that lives in the heart and lung arteries | My heart tested positive for you |
BAR, SOAP, WNL | Chart shorthand: bright, alert, responsive; subjective, objective, assessment, plan; within normal limits (more vet abbreviations) | Romance, written like a medical record |
Two views | Vets usually X-ray a body part from at least two angles | One look is never enough |
Fractious | A patient that bites, scratches or fights handling | Holding one is true love |
Quick Answers
Are these OK to use at work?
The clean ones, with people who already enjoy this kind of humor, yes. Keep them for coworkers and friends, never for clients, and skip the flirting if the other person hasn't shown interest. The weekend shift line is safe anywhere.
Which vet pick-up line works best?
"Of course I'll cover your weekend shift." It's funny because it's true: in a clinic, a covered shift is a real gift.
Can I share these?
Please do. Send one to the vet tech who needs a laugh today, save the poster for your break room, and tell us your favorite (or the worst one you've ever heard) on the I Love Veterinary Facebook page.
Still in the mood? Our veterinary jokes collection has plenty more.
Sources
- Merck Veterinary Manual: Accumulation of Fluid or Air in the Chest Cavity in Dogs
- Merck Veterinary Manual: Heart Disease: Conduction Abnormalities in Dogs and Cats
- Merck Veterinary Manual: White Blood Cells of Dogs
- Merck Veterinary Manual: Heartworm Disease in Dogs
- Merck Veterinary Manual: Radiography of Animals
