The Best Veterinary Jokes we found online

Published by I Love Veterinary

Updated on

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Veterinary jokes for everyone! Vet techs and other staff at your local veterinary practice work long hours to ensure the well-being of your pet. That is why we thought it good to dedicate this post to them by sharing some of their favorite veterinarian jokes!

Veterinary Jokes

Sometimes, you just can’t get enough. For more side-splitting laughter, read our post on Vet pick-up lines. And if this still isn’t enough, you can also head over to UpJoke for more laughs! Laughter really is the best medicine!

We hope you enjoy reading these vet jokes as much as we had a good time compiling them! Have fun!

Veterinary Jokes for Everyone!

We don’t think Veterinarians should be called doctors at all!

“Dogtors seems like a more apt description, don’t you think?”

What do you call a Vet Tech, that is REALLY good at poker?

“Ace of Spays!”

Heard about the Vet Tech that flirted with a patient’s parent?

“He flexed his muscles and asked her…”Don’t you think these puppies are sick?”

Did you know that Vets don’t like to buy stuff on Amazon?

“They prefer choosing from a CAT-a-logue instead!”

ginger kitten laughing

What did the Vet Nurse say to the other one who insulted her?

“Shut your Meaooowww!!!”

What happens to cats that eat lemons?

“They turn into sour puss!”

What do you get when you cross a parrot and a centipede?

“A walkie-talkie”

Heard about the special at the Vet store?

“Buy 1, get one flea.”

Why do dogs chase their tails?

“They are trying to make both ends meet.”

What did the Doctor say to the Vet Nurse?

“Quick, get me the First Aid Kit!”

What is the best sign EVER at a vet’s waiting room?

“Went for Pee break. Be right back. Sit. Stay!”

What is a Vet’s favorite TV Show to watch?


yellow duckling with its beak open

Why are Vet Students never rich?

“Because they have to work for Peanuts!”

Have you heard that it is best to neuter and spay your pets?

“It makes them less nuts!”

How do Vets get paid?

“By the pound!”

Heard about the astronaut that brought his cat to the Vet?

“He thought the cat was a lunar tick!”

Went to the Vet today and saw a roll in a cage, I asked the Vet nurse what it that was about.

“She said, it is an art piece called “Bred in Captivity””

My vet had no idea why my two pet birds were glued together.

“She really seemed toucan-fused for words!”

What did the cow say about people that don’t eat meat?

“I have no beef with vegans.”

How does a Vet tally up a patient’s bill?

“He uses a Cow-culator!”

Heard about the Vet Nurse that did not want to share her crabsticks?

“She was very shellfish!”

Heard about the Vet Nurse that used up all his sick leave?

“He called in dead instead!”

What did the Doctor say to the owner of the Chameleon who could not change color?

“I am afraid he has e-reptile dysfunction!”

green horned chameleon sitting on a branch with its mouth open

What key does a Vet Receptionist use to open the practice with each morning?

“A Donkey!”

How many hours does a Vet work a day?

“He works around the cluck!”

Heard about the Vet Nurse who always has sticky hair?

“It is because she brushes her hair with a honeycomb!”

Heard about the Vet’s practice that was not doing well?

“It had to close down, it was an udder disaster!”

How does the Vet’s Assistant stop the video to answer the phone?

“He hits the PAWS-button!”

How much money does a Vet Student have?

“One Scent!”

vet student holding a chihuahua laughing

What did the Vet do with the bulldog that ate a dictionary?

“He took the words straight out of his mouth!”

Having lunch, the one Vet Tech asked the other one, if they thought Noah took termites on to the ark.

Engage with us, we would love to hear more of your favorites!

A special thanks to our followers and their jokes contribution on our Facebook page 🙂 And don’t forget to share these hilarious veterinarian jokes with everyone you meet!

veterinary jokes infographic from I Love Veterinary

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